The Traditional Wedding

I really struggled with a lot of the common wedding traditions.  I define myself as an independent woman, an activist and a feminist.  I don't need marriage to give me worth, I've worked hard for my career, my education, and my opinions.  So, why am I doing it? 


My first instinct was to reject all tradition and symbolism that came with a wedding.  I didn't feel like a piece of property that needed to be given from one man to another, I certainly was not going to be veiled, just in case my groom may find me ugly having never seen me before, and I didn't want to wear white, because let's be serious I'm not...you get the point.  


But when the day came that the man of my dreams got down on one knee- I burst into tears.  I wanted a big diamond (conflict free, of course) and I wanted to call my mom and all my girlfriends immediately.  I was useless at work and took at least 20 minutes to write an email because I couldn't stop staring at the sparkles on my ring finger.  How was this shift even possible? Who is this new woman?


And more importantly, how do I merge these two people.  Thank God the crying stopped after 8 hours and a week later I was a functioning employee.  Once I was faced with the expectation of tradition, it wasn't quite as easy to reject, but how could I continue to be an authentic, independent, feminist woman?  


Here's how I reconcile it: I've analyzed it.  I've thought about the implications of the tradition.  Sometimes the tradition is meaningful to the people you care about more than you care about yourself, sometimes the tradition gives you a clear default, and sometimes the tradition is exactly what you want, but sometimes the tradition just isn't 'us,' sometimes the tradition makes you claustrophobic, and sometimes the tradition just doesn't make sense.  


That's what feminists and civil rights activists have done for years.  We've questioned tradition.  "Because we've always done it that way...." just doesn't work.  That's not a valid answer for the modern-traditional-feminist-bride.  So at the end of the day, it's your special day (just like macy's, halmark, crate and barrel, target, and your grandmother tell you).  I think as long as you deeply believe that what you're doing is what you and your fiancée think is true and authentic for you- do whatever you want and forget what it means to be confined by modern and traditional.